I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
