I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
