I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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