I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
