Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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