What did we do last night that was yellow?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
