I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
