my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just google imaged poop.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Randomize
