i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
As shirtless as possible
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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