there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There r osticjed everywhere
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
