I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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