You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
