She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
