Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
