Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
