dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
