every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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