Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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