her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
