part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
