That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do vagina's smell?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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