Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
