Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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