I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
