What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
