she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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