Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize