The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
