we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize