mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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