In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
