Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just puked most of my soul out..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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