Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
