we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
