The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He shit in the fireplace
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
