At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
