just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize