what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
