i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
