You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
