ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize