I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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