did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize