i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
