i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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