i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
