God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
