mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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