he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
