i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
