Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am mentally ready for anal.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
