You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
