Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
