the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
