She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
