He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
