we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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