So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
