just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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