Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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