Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
