You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
