I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
