the new term for farting is butt boxing.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
