Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
