Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
