Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
